I’m sure you’ve all heard the saying, “The grass is always greener on the other side”. And many people have changed the saying to, “The grass is not always greener on the other side.” But I think the grass is always greener on the other side. I think the grass is always greener not because the grass is better, or taken care of, or even loved more. I think the grass is greener, because you want to be greener.
There comes a time in everyone’s career or life when change is necessary. But that change can be very uncomfortable, scary, and even uncertain. At first, we may think that something isn’t quite right. We might not be sure what that is, but we know something isn’t the same. This may be our first indication that we may need to change the situation.
Change is hard. And in our moment of uncertainty we may look at our situation and try to figure out what is going on. We may look at our situation and try to look at all the good parts and the bad parts. And still it might be difficult for us to clearly separate the good from the bad. So we may try to make this a little bit more clear.
We want to make sure that our situation is truly bad before we decide to leave. We want to make sure that our decision to leave is justified, and so we look for all the bad things and we seem to overlook the good things.
In sports we see this all too often. Some parents may look at other teams and think their child will get better coaching, be more successful, or be on a team with no conflict or drama.
The truth of the matter is that every gym has its strengths and its weaknesses. It has moments of huge success and failures. It will have good times and bad times. It will have moments of conflict and drama. It too will have times when new students will join and old students will quit.
Every team is not for everyone. And if the team that you’re on doesn’t seem to fit quite right, then it’s okay to feel like you need to change. And if that’s the case, then the parent or athlete should feel comfortable in their decision to want to try a new place. Parents and athletes need to know that it’s okay for them to want to try a new place. It’s okay for them to see if a new team will be a better fit.
Most coaches know when it’s time for a kid to try something new. The coaches can feel that something is not right either. It might be that the child has lost trust in the coach, it might be that the parent has lost trust in the coach, it might be that the coach and the athlete just don’t mesh well, or it might be that the relationship has run its course and it’s simply time to move on. And again there’s nothing wrong with knowing when a relationship has come to an end.
If that time comes when it’s time to try something new, understand that it doesn’t make the coach a bad person, it doesn’t make the athlete a bad person, and it doesn’t make the parent a bad person. When change happens, it’s hard not to take it personally. The truth is that the athlete is leaving because of the coach and team. That doesn’t necessarily mean that the coach and team are wrong. It simply just means that the coach and team were wrong for that person.
As a parent, it’s hard to make a decision to leave a coach and team. And we want to make sure that our decision is correct. So we look for every single fault, flaw, and imperfection to justify our reason to leave. We start looking for more faults, more flaws, and as many imperfections that we can to prove our decision to ourselves. Then we look at the new team that we want to join and we pick out all the wonderful and positive attributes. We end up seeing all the flaws of the old team and we start seeing all the perfections of the new team. And honestly, this is completely normal human behavior. And it makes perfect sense. We need to be sure that we are doing the right thing and so we want our old team to look bad and we want the new team to look good.
As a result, we create a situation where we cannot stay and we must leave. In our minds we make our current situation so dire that our only choice is to leave. And so as the saying goes “the grass IS greener on the other side” because we choose to see only perfections. We only see what we want to see.
There may be a time when it will be time to make another change. And when that time comes, we will start to notice that the grass once again is greener on the other side. The best way to make a change is to be honest with yourself and evaluate the situation. It might be time to go, and if it is, you will need to go. In my article “How do you know when its time to go” I explain how to go about making the decision in the best way possible.
Try to look at the pros and cons of where you are now.
- Does the does facility coincide with your family values?
- Is the athlete becoming confidence, empowered, and strong?
- Is the athlete improving?
- What is the team culture?
- Does your athlete love to go to practice?
These are some questions to start with. Then continue to look and listen, and keep an open mind. Making changes is difficult, the grass may look greener and ultimately until you try, you will never know. Look for the truth, not what you want to see. If you look for reasons to leave, you will find them. If you look for truth, you will find it too.
Do you know why the grass looks greener on the other side? Perspective. When you look out over the grass you get a horizontal view picking up only the tops of the fresh new green growth. When you are in it, you are looking down and you see the sparse grass down to the dirt with all its imperfection. Perspective.